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What is consent?
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Consent is a voluntary, enthusiastic, and clear agreement between the participants to engage in specific sexual and non sexual activities
People incapacitated by drugs or alcohol cannot consent.
If clear, voluntary, coherent, and ongoing consent is not given by all participants, it’s sexual assault. There’s no room for ambiguity or assumptions when it comes to consent, and there aren’t different rules for people who’ve hooked up before.
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Nonconsensual sex is rape.
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Consent is:
Clear
Consent is clear and unambiguous. Is your partner enthusiastically engaging in sexual activity? Have they given verbal permission for each sexual activity? Then you have clear consent.
Silence is not consent. Never assume you have consent — you should clarify by asking.
Ongoing
You should have permission for every activity at every stage of a sexual encounter. It’s also important to note that consent can be removed at any time — after all, people do change their minds!
Coherent
Every participant in sexual activity must be capable of granting their consent. If someone is too intoxicated or incapacitated by alcohol or drugs, or is either not awake or fully awake, they’re incapable of giving consent.
Failure to recognize that the other person was too impaired to consent is not “drunk sex.” It’s sexual assault.
Voluntary
Consent should be given freely and willingly. Repeatedly asking someone to engage in a sexual act until they eventually say yes is not consent, it’s coercion.
Consent is required for everyone, including people who are in a committed relationship or married. No one is obliged to do anything they don’t want to do, and being in a relationship doesn’t obligate a person to engage in any type of sexual activity.
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It’s important to understand that any type of sexual activity without consent, including touching, fondling, kissing, and intercourse, is a form of sexual assault and is a crime.
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When and how to ask for consent
It’s crucial to ask for consent before engaging in sexual activity. Talking openly about what you both want and setting boundaries is important in any relationship, regardless of
whether it’s casual or long term.
In a healthy sexual encounter, both parties should feel comfortable communicating their needs without feeling fearful. If you’re initiating sex, and you become angry, frustrated, or
insistent when your partner declines any sexual activity, this is not okay.
Sexual or nonsexual activity that occurs because of fear, guilt, or pressure is coercion — and it’s a form of sexual assault. If you’re engaging in sexual activity and the person
declines to go further or seems hesitant, stop for a moment and ask them if they’re comfortable doing that activity or if they want to take a break.
Let them know you don’t want to do anything they don’t feel 100 percent comfortable with, and that there’s no harm in waiting and doing something else.
In any sexual encounter, it’s the responsibility of the person initiating sexual activity to ensure that the other person feels comfortable and safe.
You might worry that asking for consent is going to be a total mood killer, but the alternative — not asking for consent and potentially sexually assaulting someone — is unacceptable.
Consent is necessary and serious, but it doesn’t mean having to sit down for a clinical discussion or signing forms! There are ways to ask for consent that aren’t a total buzzkill.
Besides, if you’re comfortable enough to want to get closer, then talking openly about what you both want and need is perfectly fine, and sexy!
Ways to talk about consent:
You could get right to the point and ask:
Can I kiss you?
Can I take this off? What about these?
Do you want to have sex, or would you like to wait?
Can I [fill in the blank]?
You can also take the opportunity to use open communication about sex and boundaries as foreplay. Here are some ideas:
I think it’s hot when we [fill in the blank], do you want to do this?
It feels so good when you [fill in the blank], do you want to do this?
Can I take your clothes off?
Can I kiss you here?
If you’re already in the heat of the moment, you could say:
Are you comfortable with me doing this?
Do you want me to stop?
How far are you comfortable going tonight?
Remember that consent needs to be ongoing. This means even if you’re in the throes of a heavy make out session or foreplay, your partner needs to consent before you take things to the next level.
Asking if they’re comfortable, if they want it, and if they want to keep going is important, so keep communicating and don’t just make assumptions.
Consent while drunk, high, ect
If someone is high, drunk ect they cannot consent. there is no if and or but on that
while someone cannot consent while high. there are kinks surrounding being intoxicated. If you're interested in participating in that with someone you first have talks with them and learn together on how to do it in a way both of you are happy comfortable and consenting.
if the person you want to do intoxicated stuff with is uncomfortable with it. dont try pressure them into doing it. the only time you should be doing intoxicated sexual stuff or any sexual stuff is when both of you WANT TO. if your partner does not want to leave them alone on that and dont try get them to.
Here are some good guidelines to follow:
If you’re initiating sexual activity, you’re responsible for obtaining consent. In the case that either person is under the influence, the definition of consent — clear, ongoing, coherent, and voluntary — is just as important as ever.
If someone is stumbling or can’t stand without leaning on something, slurring their words, falling asleep, or has vomited, they cannot consent. Take care of them and make sure they're safe and okay. Do not try to do sexual stuff with them.
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What consent sounds and looks like
You know you have consent when the other person has clearly said yes — without being pressured — and has given you permission to do something.
Here are examples of what consent looks like:
Each person is engaging in sexual activity enthusiastically, after agreeing to have sex.
There’s continuous communication every step of the way while sexting, hooking up, or while in a committed relationship.
Respecting the other person when they say no or are unsure about anything — from sending photos while sexting to engaging in sexual activity.
The other person is capable of making informed decisions, and isn’t intoxicated or incapacitated, or being coerced. Consent needs to be demonstrated freely and clearly.
The absence of a “no” does not mean a “yes.” The same goes for “maybe,” silence, or not responding.
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You do not have consent from another person if:
they’re sleeping or unconscious
you use threats or intimidation to coerce someone into something
they’re incapacitated by drugs or alcohol
you use a position of authority or trust, such as a teacher or employer
they change their mind — earlier consent doesn’t count as consent later
you ignore their wishes or nonverbal cues to stop, like pushing away
you have consent for one sexual act, but not another sexual act
you pressure them to say yes
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Verbal and nonverbal cues
People communicate using words and actions, while some people are more comfortable with one than the other. This can cause some confusion when it comes to consent.
Verbal cues are when the person uses words to express what they want or don’t want, while nonverbal cues are given using their body language or actions to express themselves.
Here are examples of words and phrases that indicate verbal consent:
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Yes
I’m sure
I want to
Don’t stop
I still want to
I want you to
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Some examples of words and phrases that indicate that you do NOT have consent are:
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No
Stop
I don’t want to
I don’t know
I’m not sure
I don’t think so
I want to, but…
This makes me uncomfortable
I don’t want to do this anymore
This feels wrong
Maybe we should wait
Changing the subject
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person might communicate that they don’t consent by using actions and body language. These are possible nonverbal cues that indicate that you don’t have consent:
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pushing away
pulling away
avoiding eye contact
shaking their head no
silence
not responding physically — just lying there motionless
crying
looking scared or sad
not removing their own clothing
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Even if a person appears to be giving nonverbal cues that make it seem like they’re into it and want to have sex, make sure you get verbal consent before continuing. Be sure and don’t just assume.
Often times, people who’ve experienced sexual assault are silent and appear to “give in” to the sexual act for fear of harm or wanting the incident to be over, NOT because they’re consenting to the act.
General guidelines for consent
Here are quick guidelines for engaging in consensual sex:
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Consent can be withdrawn at any time, even if you’ve already started getting intimate. All sexual activity must stop when consent is withdrawn.
Being in a relationship doesn’t oblige anyone to do anything. Consent should never be implied or assumed, even if you’re in a relationship or have had sex before.
You don’t have consent if you use guilt, intimidation, or threats to coerce someone into sex, even if that person says “yes.” Saying yes out of fear is not consent.
Silence or a lack of a response is not consent.
Be clear and concise when getting consent. Consenting to go back to your place doesn’t mean they’re consenting to sexual activity.
If you’re initiating sex with someone who’s under the influence of drugs or alcohol, you’re responsible for obtaining ongoing, clear consent. If someone is stumbling or can’t stand
without leaning on someone or something, slurring their words, falling asleep, or has vomited, they’re incapacitated and cannot consent.
There’s no consent when you use your power, trust, or authority to coerce someone into sex.
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Understanding sexual assault
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Sexual assault is any type of unwanted sexual, physical, verbal, or visual act that forces a person to have sexual contact against their will. There are different forms of sexual assault.
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Some examples include:
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rape
molestation
incest
harassment
unwanted fondling or touching under or above clothing
exposing or flashing without consent
forcing someone to pose for sexual pictures or videos
sharing naked photos without consent (even if they were given to you with consent)
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What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted
If you’ve been sexually assaulted, it can be hard to know where to turn or what steps to take next. Know that you’re not alone and what happened to you isn’t your fault.
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What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted:
do not call or talk to the cops they will hurt you and ignore your sexual assult
Reach out to someone you trust. You don’t have to go through this alone.
do not go for a rape kit. they are extremely invasive and will traumatize you more and it will put you in extra danger.
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original article that I edited for this tho it kinda sucks with some shit so :p